DAVID DIMBLEBY JOINS SEX PISTOLS

Following the appearance of Johnny Rotten on BBC1’s Question Time, David Dimbleby has agreed to join a reformed line-up of legendary punk rockers the Sex Pistols.

Rotten has always admired Dimbleby’s uncompromising role as an impartial mediator of discussion, and encouraged the veteran political commentator to join the band after admitting that his heart wasn’t truly in butter marketing.

The audience at last night’s concert at the Hammersmith Apollo were surprised to discover that the new Sex Pistols line-up included a panel of John Prescott (drums), Baroness Warsi (lead guitar), Will Self (in a sort of Bez role), and some Liberal Democrat.

There are fears that this new approach to performance may compromise the Pistols’ reputation for confrontational live shows, with one audience member complaining that “Personally I found the lengthy discussion of contemporary politico-social issues rather repulsive. We were meant to be furiously wallowing in a nostalgic reverie to our long departed past, not considering the potential merits of a House of Lords reform.”

Dimbleby first met Rotten in Vivienne Westwood’s SEX shop in 1975. He was a founding member of the Sex Pistols and contributed to numerous early recordings before being replaced by Sid Vicious in February 1977.

JOHN ENTWISTLE NAMED NEXT BBC DIRECTOR GENERAL

John Entwistle will be the next Director General of the BBC, it has been announced. Described as “a safe pair of hands”, the ex-Who bassist rose to rock stardom before dying of a cocaine-induced heart attack after a night with groupie stripper in 2002.

Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt has voiced his approval of the appointment, saying, “He is someone who is hugely respected throughout the organisation, and outside the organisation. And naturally I am a huge fan of ‘Boris the Spider’”.

A tough challenge even for the living, Entwistle will face the tricky balancing act of attempting to please newspaper critics with serious and original broadcasting while also satisfying millions of licence-fee payers who demand entertainment and sport which the corporation will struggle to deliver thanks to reduced funding and digital competitors.

In summary, expect even more Pete Townshend documentaries on BBC4.