Extending his string of ‘guerrilla’ gigs, the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince has announced he will perform a secret concert tonight at a famous venue that you can’t possibly reach quickly enough to secure a decent position in the queue, let alone have time to arrange a babysitter.
The purple-clad 80s star who hasn’t released a good album in, like, twenty years or something has managed to revive massive interest in his dwindling career through the unprecedented, innovative and groundbreaking promotional tactic of playing his songs, live, onstage, in some popular music venues.
The concerts have been hailed as “pant-soilingly orgasmic” by London media types who don’t have proper jobs and could float with ease to the abruptly-announced locations on the magic carpets they call ‘Oyster Cards’, leaving the rest of the country feeling excluded, uncool, and sex deprived.
However, Prince has promised that he will head up north at the end of this week where he will wow the socks off John Thomson, John Robb, Wayne Rooney, and Norris from Coronation Street. It is predicted that he will not play the Batman LP in its entirety.
