Acerbic clog-faced journalist and television personality Charlie Brooker has announced plans to penetrate himself further into the mainstream by releasing an album of romantic duets with his sparkling television personality wife, Konnie Huq.
The album looks set to be the most hotly anticipated collection of celebrity duets since Peter Andre and Katie “Jordan” Price’s top 20 smash A Whole New World in 2006. Titled Beauty and the Beast, Brooker and Huq’s record will be released early next year and will contain the following cover versions (original artists in brackets):
1) Especially for You (Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan)
2) I Got You Babe (Sonny and Cher)
3) You’re The One That I Want (John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John)
4) 7 Seconds (Neneh Cherry and Youssou N’Dour)
5) Je t’aime (Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg)
6) Islands in the Stream (Big Tits and Beardy)
7) Crazy In Love (Beyonce and Jay-Z)
8) I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) (Meatloaf and Mrs. Meatloaf)
9) Never Be The Same Again (Melanie “Sporty Spice” Chisholm and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes)
10) Baby When You’re Gone (Melanie “Sporty Spice” Chisholm and Bryan “Gravelly Face” Adams)
11) I Wanna Be Like You (King Louie and Baloo the Bear)
Having recently quit his Screen Burn column in the Guardian newspaper because he suddenly started to empathise with the vacuous celebrities he had been lacerating after marrying one*, the album will no doubt lead to further questions of Brooker’s integrity and the inevitable accusations of selling out. Already messageboards have been flooded with angry posts from juveniles who enjoy reading rude things about people on the telly whilst sniggering like Beavis and Butthead.
Huq’s fans, meanwhile, have registered little complaint, being very few and unable to achieve any state of being higher than that of perplexed gormlessness.