Wednesday, 7 November 2012


President Springsteen has been re-elected to a second term, defeating the Republican challenger Meatloaf.

In a victory speech that lasted over three and a half hours and included a rare solo performance of ‘Thunder Road’, President Bruce promised the United States of America that the “the best is yet to come”, even in light of 2003’s Essential Bruce Springsteen greatest hits CD. He pressed for a bipartisan approach to politics and emphasised his continued commitment to the themes of hope, the economy, unemployment, foreign policy, and racing through the streets in a Cadillac. He thanked the American people, his wife, family, and Vice President Van Zandt.

Bruce’s victory follows an intensive worldwide campaign (dubbed the ‘Wrecking Ball’ tour) which began in March 2012, covering 87 cities in North America, South America and Europe.

Challenger Meatloaf’s campaign, on the other hand, suffered problems from the outset. Mr Loaf employed bewildering, insubstantial slogans which failed to communicate a clear political message, such as “Life is a lemon and I want my money back” and “Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are”. Asked about gay rights, Loaf replied ambiguously, “I would do anything for love - but I won’t do that”.

Political commentators have also suggested that many among the Republican Party’s support base found certain aspects of Meatloaf’s background difficult to swallow. For example, the revelations that he had appeared in the unashamed celebration of sexual deviancy The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and had also starred in the anti-capitalist movie Fight Club, in which he wore an intimidating pair of fake breasts.

In his concession speech, Mr Loaf congratulated President Springsteen on his victory, paid tribute to his running mate Jim Steinman, called for an end to “partisan bickering and political posturing”, and hinted at the possibility of Bat Out of Hell IV.

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