Sunday, 7 July 2013


Following the success of Lou Reed’s much-publicised review of Kanye West’s much-publicised Yeezus LP (, we asked a few more VIPs for their opinions of the most anticipated rap record since that one Eminem made after he didn’t retire. Here are their perceptive responses...

OMG!!!! Kanye is da freakin’ bomb right now. His rhymes, man, I mean, the way he just lays down those rhymes like one cool muthafucker, it’s unreal dude. You feelin’ me? That brutha is so hot right now. Mega props to my homeboy.
Brian Sewell

Nah. Just not rock ‘n’ roll is it? He thinks he’s havin’ it and all that but he’s not really havin’ it. I’m the one fuckin’ havin’ it. Every day, mate, there’s me fuckin’ havin’ it. Rock ‘n’ roll star, do you know what I mean? Down Knebworth, I’m fuckin’ havin’ it. At the Chelsea Flower Show, I’m fuckin’ havin’ it. For the duration of the extensive Beady Eye three-date tour, I’m fuckin’ havin’ it. Riding a defenceless dog in the pub like an unruly child, there I am, that’s me, FUCKIN’ HAVIN’ IT. Do you know what I mean, shitbag?
Liam Gallagher

Well, although I can categorically confirm that I am down with the hip-hop culture - not to mention grime, garage and crunk - I must say I do prefer the Smiths and the Jam. Especially the ones where they declare that people like me should be strung up on lampposts and decapitated for the good of society. Right, I’m off to play Angry Birds. Laterz.
David Cameron

Yeezus?! That’s a bit offensive isn’t it?
Professor Richard Dawkins

Ralf Hütter (Kraftwerk)

He’s released it on CD?! Sorry, but that’s a little ‘90s for me. He should’ve released a fancy hardback book of sheet music so that fans could play the keyboard parts themselves and bring their own unique, individual voices to lines such as “Shit I’m chillin’ / Tryin’ to stack these millions”.

Why isn’t anybody talking about us anymore? :(
David Bowie, Daft Punk and Boards of Canada

Is he still black? I don’t like him then.
George W. Bush

It’s not got frigging autotune all over the place has it? I’ve had it up to here with autotune. It’s become such a scourge on modern culture I can hardly be-lieeeeeve I invented in the first place.

I’d have preferred less stuff about Porsches, liquor, titties, ass, and West proclaiming himself to be God, and a little more on how we should all bow down to the irrepressible power of Mother Nature and embrace a loose, solitary form of religion in which we develop our own personal relationship with the almighty wind spirits. Also, there wasn’t enough black metal on it.
Phil Elverum

I like it.
Four Tet

I like it.

His beats are dope, that’s fo’shizzle. But that line about “eating Asian pussy”, I could’ve done without that.
The late Mary Whitehouse

To be honest, I don’t really understand the rap music. It just sounds like somebody talking moronically over a series of repetitive beats. I prefer the golden oldies: The Rat Pack, Elvis, Andy Williams and the like. Frank Sinatra, now there’s a man who had talent. The rap music just doesn’t have Frank’s touch of class, does it? It’s just a load of undignified scallywags jumping around with massive timepieces dangling round their necks. Pillocks.
Chuck D

It wasn’t graphically misogynist enough for me.
Bret Easton Ellis

Nor me.
Nick Cave

I’m concerned for the guy. He’s become so wealthy and famous that he’s completely lost grasp of reality. He’s got no sense of humour or modesty. He’s married some vacuous celebrity with no discernible talent of her own who’s only famous because of her Dad. He doesn’t seem to display any recognition of what ordinary people’s lives are like. His ego is spinning further and further out of control. It’s sad to watch, man, just sad.
The late Michael Jackson

1 comment:

  1. Loved the idea of different commentators, really enjoying the variety and, it was quite relaxing.