Friday, 13 September 2013


Uncompromising sexagenarian rocker Neil Young has been working on an innovative high-resolution music service called Pono which he hopes will make his 1980s back-catalogue even less bearable.

Speaking to chat-show sex-pest David Letterman, Young explained:

“CDs and MP3s fail to accurately replicate how atrocious I wanted those records to sound, thus diminishing the true horror of my vision. An iTunes MP3 file only contains about 5% of the original audio quality. That means that the versions of Trans and Old Ways that people have been listening to recently have been 95% less diabolical than I intended. When I originally released those albums most consumers were still buying the majority of their music on the LP format. Those listeners could fully appreciate how bad Re-ac-tor was and thankfully the record bombed, just as I hoped. The versions that kids listen to nowadays on their iPods are so diluted it’s no wonder that numerous revisionist idiots are suddenly coming out in favour of my discography circa 1980 to 1989. A few of them even claim my vocoder sounds good! I mean, last week I read a blog by some punk arguing that Everybody’s Rockin is an ‘overlooked postmodern rockabilly classic’. It’s not that. It’s ****ing garbage. I wanted it to be ****ing garbage. If I’d wanted people to enjoy it, I’d have made a good album. Clearly you haven’t been hearing it properly.”

Young plans to launch the service in 2014, hoping to compete with the dominance of iTunes. In a promotional video for Pono Music, musicians such as Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Marcus Mumford from Mumford & Sons lent passionate support to Young’s cause. However, critics have noted the video may have been more convincing if Flea hadn’t been bouncing around with his cock out and if Marcus Mumford hadn’t existed.

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