Tuesday, 15 October 2013



Penguin Books has printed 500,000 copies of Neil “Bob The Builder” Morrissey’s memoirs as part of its reputable Penguin Classics imprint.

Morrissey Autobiography: Man Behaving Badly will join an illustrious literary group that includes the likes of Homer’s The Odyssey, Sterne’s The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, and that Dostoyevsky one about the bloke that does a murder and then feels bad about it for 300 pages.

Morrissey’s tome includes considered ruminations on the star’s close friendship with Martin “Doc Martin” Clunes, an anecdote about drinking all night long with John “Cold Feet” Thomson, and an overly graphic account of Morrissey’s steamy adulterous affair with Amanda “Did you ever see that circus-based sitcom she did? That was the worst programme ever shown on television” Holden.

“We accept that this particular commercial escapade may have momentarily cheapened our brand,” confessed a spokesman for Penguin, “but can we fix it? YES WE CAN!”

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