Friday, 14 September 2012
AMANDA PALMER DEMANDS TROMBONE PLAYER CHANGE NAME TO 'TOBY'
Oft-naked singer/show-off Amanda Palmer has attracted criticism this week for insisting that her new trombone player change his name to ‘Toby’.
While out shopping for a tenor mouthpiece, African immigrant and brass aficionado Kunta Kinte was set upon and kidnapped by a group of Palmer’s roadies. Confused and vulnerable, he was forced to add backing music to several dates on her tour. Initially believing he would be released after a few gigs, things went from bad to worse as the singer then took Kunta to the Virginia plantation she shares with her affluent author husband Neil Gaiman.
It was here that Palmer renamed the trombone player ‘Toby’. Refusing to accept this new identity, the trombone player was stripped by Palmer and flogged within an inch of his life. Palmer also stripped for no reason whatsoever.
When Kunta Kinte briefly escaped, he was soon tracked down by Gaiman and his team, with Palmer demanding strict punishment to quell any further insolence. The trombone player was given the choice between listening to the entire Amanda Palmer discography (including The Dresden Dolls) and having his foot chopped off with a massive axe. The trombone player chose the less severe option and now walks with the aid of crutches.