Thursday, 2 September 2010


Guns ‘n’ Roses have come under criticism from both attendees and organisers of the Reading Festival for showing up over twenty years too late for their headlining slot last weekend. Originally booked to perform at the 1990 event, when the cock-rock group were at the height of their powers, the band were due to appear promptly at 21.30 on Friday 24 August, 1990, but did not manage to reach the stage until 22.30 on Friday 27 August, 2010, after most fans had become bored and irritated.

Axl Rose, whose name is famously an anagram for ‘Lax Sore’, released a statement on defending the incident, in which he claimed, “Turning up twenty years too late with a troupe of lowly session musicians whilst resembling a bloated Mick Hucknall and squealing like a parched, castrated vole were all terms of our contract. Reading Festival are against Guns ‘n’ Roses. The fans are against Guns ‘n’ Roses. Everyone is against Guns ‘n’ Roses . Guns ‘n’ Roses want their Mommies. Guns ‘n’ Roses are taking their toys and they’re going home.”

Rose also expressed anger that the band’s sound was cut off midway through their encore of ‘Paradise City’, though sources from the festival have explained to us that this was actually an act of charity intending to save the squealing ego twonk any further embarrassment after a set which included a number of tracks from 2008’s “comeback” album Chinese Democracy which nobody wanted to hear as well as numerous unnecessary and underwhelming costume changes.

Guns ‘n’ Roses were not the only unpunctual act at this year’s fest, however, with Blink-182 and The Libertines turning up a good eleven and six years late respectively. Neither of these acts suffered from having their sound cut off, however, as their equally catastrophic lack of musical ability led the stage crew to assume that both bands consisted of deprived or disadvantaged children with learning disabilities who had won a competition or something.

No comments:

Post a Comment